it has been a rough week, but it has ended well, i think. i will not know until monday, but i have hope that it will do so.
to begin, i went to the library to pick up the book. it was not there, but the woman at the front desk referred me to the information desk to see about reserving a copy and there i had a startling experience. i walked up to the desk and sitting before me was a librarian (clearly) who was around my age. she was slightly heavy and had short very very curly hair. she had large cheeks and a wide grin and a wristband on. she was a doppelganger of a girl i have not seen in years. it’s not often that one runs into a true doppelganger. i find it’s much more common to run into a person who reminds you of someone else, but this was more than that. i was really taken aback. i spoke with her for a few moments while she put my book on reserve and learned that she is attending the reading group as well. it is unnerving though. it is a little bit scary. it is a bit of a reminder of unsettling times. of being abandoned during difficult times. it was a strange hit. i realized how much time has passed since i saw her and how much has changed. i am not the same person, not even in the same place. i have lost Tuesday and edward. i’m stripped pretty bare at this point. it’s just me, and for the most part i am happy. my health still pains me, and my family, but where i alone am concerned, i am content.
i miss all of these gone people. i really do. i will never speak to Tuesday again, she is dead and that is forever. will i ever speak to the others? i cannot say. i don’t know where anyone is anymore. i don’t know how to reach anyone, and i don’t think they care as i do, and in that way, to them, i am dead, and that is very likely forever.