LaTeR, iN aNoThEr PaRt Of ToWn

i was frightened the other day by a cat. fred was acting ridiculously and attacking a window. actually ripping at the vertical blinds. fred’s a jerk, but not THAT kind of jerk, so i opened up the blinds and pressed my face to the glass (it was dark out, so all i could see was my own reflection) and there were two eyes looking back at me! i just jumped out of my skin. most of the strays have moved on since i hardened my heart and stopped feeding them. the only ones left are whore for money and occasionally ugly kitten, but this was a new one. it looked really similar to a cat i used to know that belonged to a girl i also used to know. sasha, or sesha or something with a “sh” sound and an “ha” at the end. something like that, i can’t fully remember at this point, but that’s what this cat looked exactly like. big and fluffy and BIG! the cat stayed for about half an hour, running back and forth on the front porch, taunting fred through the window and at least it was funny watching fred, once i wasn’t scared anymore, of course.

LaTeR, iN aNoThEr PaRt Of ToWn

my mom is going to end up having some sort of crazy spinal surgery soon that will either cure her of the chronic pain she’s been in for the past 4 years, or will paralyze her. i’m having issues forcing myself to think too much about this. she’s now developed some kind of rare condition that, like my spleen situation, has only been seen in 8 other people before. my mom is already a pretty bitter and angry and emotionally unhealthy person now, if she’s paralyzed, i just don’t know what will happen, but i do know that it will be extremely extremely bad. she’s even taken the weight loss advice which is now not being gently requested but rather demanded of her by her doctor very very badly. she is sort of refusing to accept that it’s not her personal curse to have to loose weight and that eating healthy, and watching what you eat, making sure the portions are reasonable, etc, is NOT the same as being punished. that’s like saying only pouring gas in your tank instead of molasses is punishing your car. gas makes it go, molasses will kill it. end of story. i just can’t deal with it. every time she whines that no one asks how she’s feeling i want to say “we don’t have to ask, we know. you tell us ALL the time.” and isn’t this the woman who for my whole life said “look, if you’re going to be in pain and making that face, can you just leave the room, i don’t want to see it.” oh, gee? really?
yeah. that’s what she’d say all the time. i’m now the sort of person who spends their whole time in the emergency room thinking that i’m faking it because of how often she’d say “are you SURE it hurts? are you SURE we can’t just go home?” this is all just, very difficult. facing anyone’s parent’s mortality is difficult i suppose but this is just something i don’t want to deal with right now. my father is now of an age that should something happen to him or my mother, i’ll still be insured with medicaid at the very least. i’ll probably have to go to binder and binder to sue again so that i can prove i’ve been ill since birth. i should probably start that process sooner rather than later actually. but still, goddamnit, i don’t want to deal with this.
maybe she will come out of the surgery well. not paralyzed, not in pain. hopefully there is time to research it. the condition seems odd, and urgent. but that is our family’s way.

LaTeR, iN aNoThEr PaRt Of ToWn

it’s pouring hard, good thing i cancelled the bbq. next week will be better. they’re saying close to 70. should work well.

LaTeR, iN aNoThEr PaRt Of ToWn

i’m going to shower, my hair is full of smoke and it’s making me cough. i actually tried to febreeze it last night, but to no avail...

TuNe In NeXt TiMe, SaMe Bat PlAcE, sAmE bAt PaGe...